by Mark TarsesWhenever I see a word or expression in a real estate ad being used in a peculiar way, I add it to a list that I keep of such things. All the terms below have appeared in actual Berkeley real estates ads or rental listings.
What the Ad Says
What the ad means
APARTMENT FEATURES
Rustic, Original, or Natural
Run down or Worn out
Cute, Cozy, or Intimate
Small
Prestigious or Luxurious
Overpriced
Secure windows
Windows don't open
Well ventilated
Windows don't close or Drafty
Well lit
No window coverings
Partially furnished
Broken furniture left by last tenant
Exercise room, Workout room, or Gym
Barbells left in garage by last tenant
Plus room or Computer room
Walk-in closet
Club room
Basement
Child's bedroom
Small room with low ceiling
Exposed beam ceiling
Plaster has fallen off the ceiling
Computer modem access port
Telephone jack
Energy efficient
No heat
Modern
Plastic
Modern kitchen
Electric stove
Gourmet kitchen
Gas stove
Euro style kitchen
White particle board cabinets
Modern building
Plywood box with flat roof
Historically significant building
3 unsolved murders comitted on the premises
Water conserving toilets
Toilets flush & fill slowly
Pond
Swamp
Park-like setting
Yard overgrown with weeds
Fireproof
Asbestos
Low maintenance yard
Yard covered with concrete
View
View of a tree
Spectacular view.
Slide area. Cracks in walls & slope in floors
Do not disturb tenant
Tenant is mentally ill & violent
Do not disturb neighbor
Neighbor is paranoid & has a gun
Do not disturb Staffordshire Terrier
Vicious Pit Bull in yard
Structural pests
Termites
Non structural pests
Rats
Non conforming staircase
Ladder
Japanese garden
Small yard
English rose garden
Rose bush in yard
Natural vegetation
Weeds
Artist's studio
Shed
Seismic activity
Earthquake
LOCATION
Near transportation
Next to freeway or railroad tracks
Near shopping
Next to liquor store
Near campus
East Bay
Near Berkeley
Oakland
Lively neighborhood
Drive-by shootings
Quiet neighborhood
Next to cemetary
Mixed use neighborhood
Warehouse district
LEASE TERMS
Dog O.K.
High crime neighborhood
Cat O.K.
Building is overrun with mice
Rent reduced
Apartment is uninhabitable
Ready for move-in or Available now
Landlord does not clean between tenants.
Ambient parking
Street parking
Parking available
Parking costs extra
As-Is or Free
Broken