All my leases ban smoking. When I first started renting apartments, my leases didn’t say anything about smoking. I used to think that landlords who banned smoking were just trying to impose their personal feelings or religious views on their tenants, but an incident happened in 1985 that completely changed my opinion about this.
I had a tenant who rented a small cottage from me. He smoked a pack of cigarettes every day. There are 20 cigarettes in a pack. It’s not unusual for someone to smoke 20 cigarettes a day. I’ve known people who smoked more than that. Although this guy was a tenant of mine for many years, I don’t think he ever opened a window, at least I never saw an open window when I visited him. In 1985, he moved out. It was only after he was gone, and the cottage was empty, that I realized that this guy’s smoking was going to cost me money, a lot of money.
The Walls. First, the walls were brown. The brown color on the walls got darker as it went up the walls and onto the ceiling. That is because cigarette smoke rises. As I looked around at the walls of the cottage, I thought: “If this is what the walls look like, then what do this guy’s lungs look like?” Also, the walls were sticky. If you touched the walls, you had to wash your hands afterwards because this sticky stuff didn’t just wipe off. It was like getting maple syrup on your fingers. I had a painter scrub the walls with TSP (trisodium phosphate), but that was only partially effective in removing the cigarette smoke stains. Then the painter painted the entire cottage. Initially, it looked fine, but a few days after the paint dried, the tar and nicotine stains bled through the new paint, so I had to have the painter return and paint the cottage again, this time with wall sealer. When the wall sealer dried, the painter returned and painted the apartment yet again. That meant that I had to pay a painter to wash the walls with TSP and then paint this cottage 3 times. AS you can imagine, that cost me a lot of money. If you ever have to do a job like this yourself, I recommend ‘Kilz 2’. It’s a very effective stain sealer. It smells awful, but it really works in sealing in nicotine stains.
The Carpets. Then came the carpet. I had the carpets shampooed, but that didn’t work. The smell was unaffected by the shampooing. I had to have the carpets and the pads under them taken to the dump. Unfortunately, the cigarette tars and nicotine had gone through the carpet and the pad and into the concrete underneath. So then I had my painter return and paint the concrete slab with sealer. Then, I had new carpets and pads installed. That was another big expense.
The Cabinets. Everything in the cottage smelled of cigarette smoke. The tar permeated the oak kitchen and bathroom cabinets. I thought I was going to have to replace them, but fortunately, I found a cleaner who specialized in “tobacco smoke remediation.” The job took her a whole day. She was expensive, but whatever she did, it worked. I didn’t have to replace the cabinets. However, I did have to replace all the venetian blinds.
Naturally, while all this work was going on, I couldn’t rent this cottage. All together, I lost 2 month’s rent. When I added up all my expenses, the tobacco remediation cost me over a year’s rent. After this was over, I started putting ‘no smoking’ clauses in all my ads and leases. I ban smoking, not because I want to impose my morality on other people, but because smoking is just too damned expensive – for me!
Below are some photos of apartments that were occupied by long-term cigarette smokers. Look at the photos of the exteriors of these apartment houses. In 2 photos, you can see the window shades of a smoker compared to the window shades of a non-smoker. In another photo, you can see a furnace filter from a smoker’s apartment and the filter from a non-smoker. The landlord replaced all the furnace filters at the same time. Compare the light bulb from a smoker’s bathroom vs. a non-smoker.
SMOKING IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS.
People used to smoke a lot more than they do today. Even adjusted for inflation, cigarettes used to be cheap. I can recall when cigarettes cost 25 cents a pack. All states had minimum age requirements to buy cigarettes, but those laws were unenforceable. Kids could buy cigarettes from vending machines, and cigarette vending machines were everywhere. The only place where cigarette smoke really bothered me was on airplanes. It didn’t matter where you sat on an airplane in those days. The smoke was everywhere. Stewardesses used to walk up and down the aisles giving away little packages of free cigarettes to passengers. People could also smoke cigars and pipes on airplanes. Every arm rest had an ashtray built into it. By the end of a flight, I was squinting, my eyes were itchy, and my throat hurt. Some people chain smoked all day. It wasn’t unusual for cigarette smokers to smoke 2 or even 3 packs a day. That’s 40 to 60 cigarettes. John Wayne famously smoked 100 cigarettes a day. My father was 1 of 5 siblings. My Aunt Bessie was only 1 of the 5 who didn’t smoke at all. Aunt Bessie was the first born of the 5, but she outlived all the others, most of whom died of cancer. There’s a lesson in that.
CAN YOU BUY A STAR?
No. It is hard for me to believe that tens of thousands of people fall for this scam, but every year, just before Christmas, lots of companies buy ‘deeds’ or naming rights to stars. These companies advertise on TV just before Valentine’s Day as well. Even though Christmas is several months away, I’ve already seen ads on TV from companies selling stars. Their ads claim that naming a star for your spouse or sweetheart is an ideal romantic gift, and naming a star for a dead relative is the best way to honor that person; however, you can’t own a star or name a star. No one can. You can find many companies in this business by typing ‘buy a star’ on Google Search. They use terms like ‘official star registry’ and ‘international stellar registry’ to make them sound official. What you get for your money is a certificate that looks like an official document that says that you own a star or that a star now has your name on it; however, no one will recognize that certificate except you. This is a scam. Only the International Astronomical Union (IAU) can name stars, and the IAU does not sell stars or star naming rights.
THE MOON MAN.
If you were living in Berkeley in the 1970s, you probably remember Barry McArdle, the ‘Moon Man.’ He appeared daily at the entrance to U.C. Berkeley dressed in a silver space suit. He made a nice living selling land on the moon. For $19.95, he would sell you a certificate saying that you owned an acre on the moon. He gave a discount for bulk purchases. The California Department of Real Estate tried to shut him down, pointing out that he did not have a real estate salesman’s license and that he did not own the moon; however, McArdle found a legal loophole that befuddled the government prosecutors. The United Nations had a treaty that said that no government owned the moon or any portion of it. The United States signed that treaty. McArdle pointed out that while the treaty said that no government could own the moon, it said nothing about individuals owning the moon or pieces of it. Ardle frequently took in over $400 a day selling lunar acreage at Sproul Plaza. That’s well over $1,000 a day in today’s money. Ultimately, he sold over 100,000 acres on the moon.
WHAT IS FAT-FREE HALF & HALF?
Almost every supermarket sells fat-free half & half. Despite what the label says, there is no such thing as fat-free half & half. By definition, half & half is half milk and half cream; therefore, fat-free half & half is a misnomer. It isn’t half any one one thing and half of something else. Fat-free half & half is just thickened skim milk. Most brands of fat-free half & half are thickened with carrageenan. Carrageenan is a highly processed extract of seaweed. Carrageenan has no nutritional value. It is banned in Europe because of its association with a number of diseases, including cancer. Fat-free half & half is not a diet food, although the name of the product may give you that impression. All major brands of fat-free half & half contain sugar and/or corn syrup and a variety of preservatives. Fat-free half & half will not improve your health or help you lose weight. In coffee, it tastes like skim milk.
