In May, I rented a house on Milvia Street in downtown Berkeley. While the house was listed for rent, a man called me on the phone and said: "I'm calling about your ad on Craigslist. Do you know what the elevation of your house is?" I said: "I'm not sure. I think it's about 150 feet above sea level. Why do you ask?" He said: "That's not enough." I said: "Not enough for what?" He said: "Everything under 500 feet is going to be washed away when Nibiru comes." I said: "What's Nibiru?" He said: "You'll find out" and hung up the phone. I was intrigued, so I went to Google and searched for information about Nibiru. Here is what I found out.
Nibiru. If you haven't already heard of Nibiru, you may find this story very hard to believe. There are a lot of crazy Mayan calendar doomsday theories floating around, but this one tops them all! According to this theory, a rogue planet named Nibiru, also known as 'Planet X', is going to crash into the Earth when the Mayan calendar ends on December 21, 2012 or that it will come so close to the Earth that cataclysmic earthquakes and tidal waves will destroy nearly all plant and animal life. A lot of people believe in Nibiru, which is surprising since there is absolutely no scientific evidence that Nibiru exists. When you search 'Nibiru' on Google, you get 10 million results! Think about that. 10 million web pages about Nibiru! Even more surprising, many respected universities now have 'Nibiru study groups' or are hosting Nibiru message boards. See: U.C. Berkeley Nibiru Message Board. The first person to ever mention Nibiru was Nancy Lieder in 1995. Lieder describes herself as a 'contactee' with the ability to receive messages from extra-terrestrials by means of an implant in her brain placed there by space aliens.
NASA. There are dozens of books on the market about Nibiru, although they all seem to differ about the details: what Nibiru is, what's going to happen when it arrives, and what you should do to prepare for it. The only thing that all these Nibiru books seem to agree upon is that NASA has been tracking Nibiru for decades, that NASA knows that Nibiru is coming towards the Earth, and they have been hiding this information from the public in order to avoid a general panic. NASA actually does have a web page designed to assure the public that Nibiru does not exist. See: NASA Nibiru Q&A.
Lucifer, The Pope Scope. A lot of books and web sites claim that many years ago, Pope Benedict bought a big German telescope named 'Lucifer' (a.k.a. 'The Pope Scope') and had it shipped to a secret observatory in Arizona so that Jesuit scientists can guide Nibiru towards the Earth. I can't figure out why the pope would want to do this or why the pope would name his telescope 'Lucifer,' which is another name for Satan. Nevertheless, this story is partially true. The Vatican does have an observatory in Arizona, but the telescope there is named 'Vatican Advanced Technology Telescope', not 'Lucifer.' According to the book '2012..The Secret Vatican Agenda,' available from Amazon, the Vatican also has a 'top secret deep space probe' on Nibiru so that Pope Benedict can communicate directly with the inhabitants of the phantom planet.
Jewish Space Reptiles. Many thousands of web sites claim that Nibiru is inhabited by reptilian creatures called Anunnakis. They say that sometime between 5,000 and 10,000 years ago, Anunnakis came to Earth and lived in the Middle East and that references to this can be found in the Torah, such as the story of Adam and Eve and the Serpent in the Garden of Eden. They further claim that DNA and blood analysis proves that Anunnakis crossbred with Jews in ancient times, and that as a result, modern Jews are actually part human and part space reptile. They say this explains why famous Jews in the Bible were able to perform miracles, such as Moses parting the Red Sea. It was because Jews inherited supernatural powers from their reptilian ancestors. (This theory sounds slightly anti-Semitic to me, or I am just being overly sensitive?)
Taking Shelter. For under $200, you can buy a Nibiru Survival Kit, but if you have big bucks to spend, you can buy a very spiffy Nibiru shelter. Some people are spending huge sums of money on Nibiru shelters and stocking them with food and other provisions. The largest Nibiru shelter complex in the world is under construction right now in Kansas, where a one-half floor underground luxury condominium costs $900,000, payable in advance. The price does not including furnishings. The CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Company) produced a documentary recently about this complex. See: Nibiru Condominiums. Another large underground Nibiru condominium complex is being built in Spain in the Pyrenees Mountains. Another is being built in Australia.
I know that this story sounds utterly preposterous, and you may be thinking to yourself: "Oh, Mark obviously made up this ridiculous story," but if you go to Google and search 'Nibiru', you will quickly find out that I did not make this up!
NEW IN MY CHOCOLATE ROOM.
Chocolate Mayan Calendars.These chocolate calendars are 5" in diameter and weigh 4 ounces each. I can't guarantee that eating a chocolate Mayan calendar will prevent Nibiru from crashing into the Earth, but on the other hand, it couldn't hurt!
I will soon be replacing this newsletter with a blog. A blog has some big advantages over a newsletter. For one thing, with a blog, people can comment on articles, and I would like to know what people think about the stuff I write. My blog is already up and running. If you would like to comment on my Nibiru article, you can do so by going to my blog at Mark Tarses Tenant Newsletter Blog. I would like to hear from you! Had you ever heard of Nibiru before? Did you like the story? Do you have a Nibiru shelter? Are you a Jewish space reptile? I would very much like to hear from some Jewish space reptiles or Jesuits with dope on the Pope Scope.
MARK'S JOB HUNTING TIP #3: DON'T GET A CONSPICUOUS TATTOO.
20 years ago, it was very unusual to see a tattooed student at U.C. Berkeley, and there was only 1 tattoo parlor in the whole city. Today, a lot of Cal students have tattoos, and there are now 6 tattoo parlors in Berkeley. Tattooing has become far more socially acceptable than it used to be. One quarter of all Americans between the ages of 18 and 50 have a tattoo. But wait! Before you get a Chinese dragon tattooed on your wrist, have you considered how a tattoo might affect your ability to get a job or a promotion?
Careerbuilder.com, a job search web site, asked HR (human resource) managers what they considered the #1 physical attribute that would most likely limit a candidate's chances of getting a job or getting promoted. 37% said body piercings and 31% said tattoos. A similar survey conducted by philly.com put tattoos at #1. According to The Patient's Guide, laser tattoo removals increased 32% between 2010 and 2011. When asked why they were having their tattoos removed, 40% of respondents cited 'employment' as the principle reason. Many employers have stricter dress codes these days and are refusing to hire people with tattoos. That is legal. People with tattoos are not a protected class under labor or discrimination laws. I once refused to hire someone myself because of a tattoo. I was managing a restaurant here in Berkeley called 'The Station' when a young man with a skull and crossbones tattooed on his cheek applied for a job. I thought: "Who is going to hire someone to serve food to the public who has the symbol for poison tattooed on his face?" If you are going to get a tattoo, my advice is to have it put someplace where it can't be seen when you are wearing work clothes.
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